5 Lessons I’ve Learned from Spending My Life Comparing Myself to Others

How to and why you should stop comparing yourself to others and start loving yourself instead

I’ve spent the majority of my life comparing myself to others and/or being compared to others. Most things felt like a competition — either someone was winning at my expense or vice versa.

In 5th grade, I was amongst thousands jumping through hoops for the 190 spots available at the best public middle school in my district.

Somehow, I managed to get in. However, celebrations were short-lived — when I got into said school, I befriended a girl who was already scoring a 1400/1600 on the SAT. I thought to myself, “How is she 4 years ahead of schedule?? Why am I not as smart as she is?”

I ended up in an NYC Specialized High School where students compared grades left and right. In fact, my AP Chemistry teacher, known to be notoriously difficult, would publicly announce the names of those who had scored 90+ on her exams. You bet people were keeping mental tabs on each other, myself included.

When I got to college, the comparisons continued to multiple. I judged myself for majoring in psychology when others around me chose to major in economics and landed corporate internships. I judged myself for taking days to write a paper when others would effortlessly pull an all-nighter.

When I landed a consulting job through on-campus recruiting during my senior year, although immensely grateful, I was also aware that it wasn’t with one of the top three consulting firms. I felt like those who had landed a job with the top three firms had something that I didn’t.

When I left said consulting job after 1.5 years, I judged myself for not being to stick it out, especially because I knew that my other consulting friends were as miserable as I was. Why was I the first to call it quits?

It wasn’t until after I decided to leave my consulting job that I started to realize the futility of comparing myself to others. Why did I compare myself to my consulting friends if I didn’t even want to stay at my consulting job? Why did I judge myself for quitting a job that I hated? To let go of the job, something that wasn’t serving me, meant that I was alive. It meant that I wanted something more out of my life.

Since then, I’ve been on a journey to end the comparisons that I’ve been so accustomed to making and start loving myself, for the person that I am, right here, right now. Through that process, here are the 5 lessons that I’ve learned along the way:

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